Trump-Sanders Debate Stirs Controversy

Donald Trump, recent winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for his humanitarian efforts to relocate millions of Mexicans and Moslems to countries outside of the U.S., turned to his real forte, economics, in last night’s debate against Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT and Democratic presidential candidate).

In his opening statement, Mr. Sanders began with a gambit designed to confound Mr. Trump: the introduction of nuance. Sanders remarked that the U.S. is 37% socialist and Germany 46% socialist, that being the respective portion of the economies controlled by government spending.

“Statistics don’t matter,” said Trump, “I’ll hire the best people to fill me in on all that after I’m elected. What matters is that they’re all a bunch of socialists. Germany is killing us. China is killing us. They’re killing us because our leaders are stupid. When I’m president, we’re going to make America great again. No socialist state is going to have a chance against us.”

Sanders offered that China was not Germany, and that the so-called socialist framework in Germany was a guarantor of middle class stability and prosperity.

This brought a thunderous rebuke from Trump. “You speak of Germany’s middle class,” he cried, “but they are a people without freedom. In the year before Obamacare, over a million and a half Americans freely exercised their right to go bankrupt or lose their life savings over health care. Germany? Not one person. And now with Obamacare we’re headed in the same direction. Countless middle-class Americans last year were free to go into lifelong debt through college loans. In Germany, none. Socialist policies force every man and woman in Germany into six weeks of vacation a year, where Americans are typically free to work 50 out of 52 weeks. That’s what you get with your socialism.”

Trump asked Sanders directly if he did not now regret supporting such socialist policies as a progressive income tax, Pell grants for college, job training programs, environmental protection, and public education.

“These are the policies,” rejoined Sanders, “that have given everyone a shot, white, black, men and women.”

“A shot!” boomed Trump. “Carly Fiorina might need a shot to get over being hit with an ugly stick, but for you, a socialist, to dare come on this stage and talk about shots! Every socialist’s dream is to take away our freedom by taking away our guns. Look at your beloved Germany. I have some facts, too,” Trump said with an impish grin as he pulled out his flash cards.

“Germany has about 200 gun-related homicides a year? I don’t see much free use of guns in that pitiful number. We Americans have over 10,000 gun-related homicides a year. Lump in other gun deaths and we Americans are up to 33,000 dead from firearms each year. Tick off a couple of fry cooks at a south side Chicago McDonald’s, and you’ll see as much shooting damage in one day as the whole damn country of Germany sees in a year. What’s an unarmed German supposed to do when some beer-bellied white trash at the Waffle House compares his wife to a Mack truck? This is America and we’re not going to take that kind of shxx here.”

During this harangue, Trump had come over and seized Sanders’s microphone. Sanders stood down and waited patiently at first, but then wandered off mumbling something about “Lil B” and “a Cherry Garcia somewhere with my name on it.” Let his dishonorable exit be a lesson to those flirting with socialism. What true, flag-waving American would go to Ben and Jerry’s for ice cream when he or she could get something called “ice cream” at any one of the three Wal-Marts within a mile and a half of the house?

And finally, as my editors have enjoined me to close on a “fair and balanced” note, let me say that I hope the press attacks and belittles Mr. Sanders for speaking LIES that would DESTROY AMERICA with the same vigor with which they attacked and belittled Mr. Trump for speaking the TRUTH that would MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.