Vacancy and order – reader’s choice

I’ll take some help with the two versions of a poem below. I like the longer one to be fitted into a concept-based collection, but I’m not sure which is better for a standalone post. Any thoughts?

 

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6 thoughts on “Vacancy and order – reader’s choice

    • Thanks, Ken. Good thoughts. I put the longer once first for that reason — so people would be aware of what was trimmed out in the shorter one — but I guess it would make sense to do it the other way too — to put the shorter one first and see if it worked as a coherent whole without prior awareness of the additional backstory. Anyway, we’ll see if I can get a few more comments 🙂 Gary

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