Which drops?

A little slant haiku. Which do you prefer? The first one (“my”), which orients the field more personally, or the second one (“a”), which orients the field more philosophically/metaphysically?

you
are the rain
drops

falling
on my stone
pillow

xxxx

you
are the rain
drops

falling
on a stone
pillow

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11 thoughts on “Which drops?

  1. I prefer the “a” to “my” version because it’s more inclusive for the reader. However, in opening the poem with “you,” the speaker already “orients the field more personally.” Hope you find my comments of some help 🙂

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  2. I like both of them in and of themselves and because side by side they remind me of the difference in thought and feeling one word can make. Thank you for this beautiful and powerful example..

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  3. Wow. Close vote. There was a little more passion offline for the ‘a’ variant, and I think I’ll go with that one. I think it will fit better into a larger set as a more philosophical reference point for a collection that IS more focused on “I-thou” personal connections (to paraphrase Martin Buber). I take Rosaliene’s point that the ‘you’ already makes it somewhat personal, but ambiguously so without the ‘my,’ as ‘you’ does function in both personal and impersonal senses. So in the “I-thou” set, it can be an outside reference point with a wormhole to the inside through the grammatical ambiguity (personal/impersonal) of “you.” I know, I’m overthinking it to the point of self-parody, but overthinking is fun 🙂

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