Of gas stoves and football helmets

I couldn’t care less about what will one day be known as The Amazing 2023 Gas Stove Incident, in which the feds consider banning gas stoves, except that it’s a segue to my own safety pet peeve: cars. Everyone knows that car accidents are a leading cause of death and of traumatic brain injury. Every sane person must also know that wearing football helmets while driving would reduce these deaths and brain injuries. So why no mandate for football helmets? We could argue about percentages, but that some lives would be saved is indisputable. And think of the savings in hospitalization. Not to mention the carbon footprint of all those ambulances and hospital machines using up resources to keep brain damaged accident victims alive. I’d start a Change.org petition if I could figure out how. Meanwhile, please ramp up the buzz:

MANDATED FOOTBALL HELMETS IN CARS!

Rest assured. If I sustain a head injury in an auto accident, I will sue my local, state, and federal government for their negligence in not forcing me to wear my helmet. And in the continued spirit of civic zeal, I will spend every penny of my settlement not on myself but on my next public safety project – rubber bumpers on cowboy boots – you know, the kind of bumpers they use for kids in bowling alleys. Why? As a sometime hippie in a honky tonk, I can tell you those damn boots can do real harm. Well, maybe not as much real harm as the harmful words Stanford has recently vowed to eliminate, but to be fair, any physical violence would fall short of the carnage caused by such words as “walk-in,” “tone deaf,” “submit,” “field” and “you guys” – all on the Stanford chopping block. My “boots with bumpers” law may not save as many people from harm as Stanford’s forbidden words list, but if it saves even one stray hippie from hospitalization or death, isn’t one life worth it?

Until next time . . .

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY!

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5 thoughts on “Of gas stoves and football helmets

  1. the “Feds” you refer to are actually the Republican party members who are responding to Federal government warnings about gas stoves. There is no uprising against gas stoves, just more Republican bullshit to jerk off their stupid followers. Hold on to your hat, as the next 2 years are going to be quite a ride in the House. The House is being run by Fascists who let a member onto committees who lied his way in by saying he was Jew-ish, along with a long stream of lies about his entire life. It is not yet clears what the actual legal name of George Santos actually is, but he is good enough to be a Republican 1

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree with you on the Repubs; I’m just not as sanguine as you about today’s authoritarian progressives, who have nothing in common with the progressive movement up to and including Occupy Wall Street. I was progressive by the standards of that time and my values haven’t changed at all, but I find the spectrum has shifted such that I am now out in space equidistant from conservatives and progressives.

      Like

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