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First Reflection (voting is open)

Posted on February 7, 2023 by Daedalus Lex

#1 or #2

First reflection

deep in the night
lantern on a pier
lit and trembling
dark waves below

a voice, a shiver, a passing cloud,
a house with a garden
I can barely see

First reflection

deep in the night
lantern on a pier
lit and trembling
water at the base

a voice, a shiver, a passing cloud,
a house with a garden
I can barely trace

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19 thoughts on “First Reflection (voting is open)”

Ann Pierce on February 7, 2023 at 2:32 pm said:

First one

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- Daedalus Lex on February 8, 2023 at 8:47 am said:
  
  Thanks, Ann!
  
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greenteadoodles on February 7, 2023 at 2:58 pm said:

Prefer the first. 🙂

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- Daedalus Lex on February 8, 2023 at 8:48 am said:
  
  Thanks, Hilary!
  
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Displaced and Dispossessed on February 7, 2023 at 3:35 pm said:

I would like the combo pack, please.
Dark waves below
garden I can barely trace

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- Daedalus Lex on February 8, 2023 at 11:47 am said:
  
  Thanks, Nessa. Thoughtful distinctions as usual. Everyone prefers “dark waves below,” so that’s done. Per “see” vs. “trace”, inconclusive but I think they’re leaning your way 🙂
  
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Monkey's Tale on February 7, 2023 at 5:17 pm said:

1st paragraph with last paragraph 🙂 Maggie

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- Monkey's Tale on February 7, 2023 at 5:19 pm said:
  
  But I also meant to say, both are very beautiful. Maggie
  
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  - Daedalus Lex on February 9, 2023 at 11:01 am said:
    
    I think my comment disappeared. Just saying thanks, Maggie. Lots of people agree with you 🙂
    
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JMN on February 8, 2023 at 4:56 am said:

Number 1. “Dark waves below” — better rhythm, more evocative.

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- Daedalus Lex on February 8, 2023 at 8:53 am said:
  
  Thanks, JMN. Exactly on point of things I was considering. I thought that line was more evocative but the other better for rhythm. Your vote clarifies and makes it easy for me to go with this line. Now I just need to resolve “see” vs “trace”.
  
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  - JMN on February 10, 2023 at 3:16 pm said:
    
    A privilege to be involved in your deliberations! You are generous to invite input from your readers.
    
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    - Daedalus Lex on February 11, 2023 at 2:23 am said:
      
      thanks 🙂
      
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Priti on February 12, 2023 at 12:21 pm said:

First !

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Pingback: First Reflection (second step) | shakemyheadhollow
Ann Pierce on February 14, 2023 at 9:58 am said:

I prefer “see ” over “trace” and I’m not sure why. It just sounds better to me.

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- Daedalus Lex on February 14, 2023 at 10:03 am said:
  
  Ah, interesting, Ann. Votes are leaning against you, but I’ll have to keep the door open.
  
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  - Ann Piece on February 14, 2023 at 10:49 am said:
    
    It’s probably the Cajun and Indian blood in me. lol! I talk simply.
    
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    - Daedalus Lex on February 15, 2023 at 3:16 am said:
      
      And cook good!
      
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