We were in a crowded place.
No, we were on a boat
hearing the slap of water.
No, we were in the jungle
on a B-movie set.
There is no we
in the archive.
There is only I
with the husk
of the world
of the
sunrise, sunset, no pillow and stone,
no moving stars of earthly time,
just saltaway hope and who knows what
lavender rose and jacaranda
wine too bitter for the glass.
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high above the pueblo we walk
awaiting the late night rain
scrub oak and cactus sprawl
three musicians appear
on a bench on a tiny plaza
we dance, we part, we hear
a door closing a market stall
while far far below
in the halo mist of the pueblo
a figure stops to light
a lantern that flashes red and gold
and brings us back to touch
one more time
as the first
drops fall
(alternate title: As the first drops fall)
Any votes for original (“The bench and the lanterns”) vs. alternate (“As the first drops fall”) title?
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Thanks to readers who helped me with the first draft. Everyone liked Ver. 1 of the first stanza. Easy. Votes leaned toward the last line of Ver. 2, less conclusively. I dropped it on my sister’s painting and now have 3 versions of the last line, if anyone still wants to vote.
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#1 or #2
First reflection
deep in the night
lantern on a pier
lit and trembling
dark waves below
a voice, a shiver, a passing cloud,
a house with a garden
I can barely see
First reflection
deep in the night
lantern on a pier
lit and trembling
water at the base
a voice, a shiver, a passing cloud,
a house with a garden
I can barely trace
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scattering of stars
the sound of running water
three doubts forged in fire
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. road to okini
the old woman stoops
weight of a thousand worries
she turns to and smiles
. otagi-nenbutsu
stone buddhas pepper
the field, the temple, two claps
bend into a bow
. gioji
a river, a wooden teahouse,
a painted face in the window
a princess worn and awaiting
a bamboo hewer’s return
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Everyone liked the second version of my previous slant haiku. JMN and Isha in particular liked the firmer closure. I think their observations were correct. As I was finalizing, though, I realized that they had enlightened me in reverse. I wanted a little opening in that closure, a little space for melancholia to leak in. But I did not want to revert to the rejected draft. So for now I have this. Just kill me.
or cp.
Addendum: I just re-read them and now I like the one everyone chose last time the best. Forgive me.
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Two versions of a slant haiku. Please pick one.
Little Tokyo
cherry blossom float and scent
night boat on moonlit water
your second thoughts
Little Tokyo
cherry blossom float and scent
night boat on moonlit water
no second thoughts
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fullness of heart
at first sight
sweet
. calm
. jagged
. flowing
velvety as wine cream
. sweet
. calm
. restless
the simplest of pleasures
a knit of human connection
a banquet of fruit and chocolate
deep and dark and bittersweet
and floating in the room
the candle now still
a time to depart
ex machina
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shakemyheadhollow 