Just kill me

Everyone liked the second version of my previous slant haiku. JMN and Isha in particular liked the firmer closure. I think their observations were correct. As I was finalizing, though, I realized that they had enlightened me in reverse. I wanted a little opening in that closure, a little space for melancholia to leak in. But I did not want to revert to the rejected draft. So for now I have this. Just kill me.

or cp.

Addendum: I just re-read them and now I like the one everyone chose last time the best. Forgive me.

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Which is best (Haiku #1 or Haiku #2)?

Two versions of a slant haiku. Please pick one.

Little Tokyo

cherry blossom float and scent
night boat on moonlit water
your second thoughts

Little Tokyo

cherry blossom float and scent
night boat on moonlit water
no second thoughts

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a dream of narrow passage

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Still falling

From Wroclaw, Poland, 04/24/22

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Hidden passage

From the Black Forest, Germany, 4/11/22

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Black cat

From Chamonix/Mont Blanc, 4/6/22

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Vacancy and order – reader’s choice

I’ll take some help with the two versions of a poem below. I like the longer one to be fitted into a concept-based collection, but I’m not sure which is better for a standalone post. Any thoughts?

 

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Footfalls

From Granada, 3/28/22

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Many cobblestone paths

From Madrid, 3/24/22

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Sunlight falls like lemon drops

From Bogotá, 3/23/22

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